what is wrong with you!

Jesu Vandana
6 min readJul 10, 2020

What is Body Shaming? making a comment to someone about their weight, complexion, or body type can all be types of Body shaming. There are often no people in authority to monitor this bad behavior, allowing body-shaming to go unchecked. So today whatever I am sharing is to make all of us aware of how it affects an individual. we are not here to change the whole world, the world will change itself we are raising our voices so that at least one person might be changed or one life be saved if one becomes aware of the damage they cause knowingly or unknowingly.

Till Age 22: Mirror Mirror on the wall Who am I? You are a Child of God, born into your blessed family as a second child after seven years. loved by all, you are everyone’s sweetheart.

Age 23: Crying and looking into the mirror. Mirror Why did the person whom I loved said No to me? But it’s okay I learned who I am in Christ is more important than the rejection and which in turn helped overcome the fear of rejection.

Age 26 - 27: Mirror Mirror Why at some moments I am losing my Confidence? Why is my Mind getting filled with a negative mindset about myself, talk to me Mirror But mirror remained silent most of the time.

why are my family and relatives, some friends who use to love me just as I am started asking me to lose weight? why did they start checking my plates what am eating? this is not my family, friends whom I have known for years what is that got this change in them? why is that what I wear has become an issue? Why people are making me conscious of my weight? Why are they saying don’t eat sweets when in reality I don’t like sweets I like hot Stuff.

Oh Yeah! I forgot its an age where I get alliances for marriage right? As per our society, only thin and slim girls are eligible for marriage. Even our very pastors who came home for prayers said they will not be able to find Alliances unless I lose weight. so-called elders of the church got divorced people's proposals. I started to doubt myself.

I was fed up with their words someone suggested protein shakes thought let me try, I did lose my weight but once they started giving me weight loss pills I developed this severe stomach pain unbearable. I wanted to yell at people but remained silent that instant I decided why am I harming myself and hurting my body just to please some people. For that moment I decided not to get married. I understood my lack of confidence is nothing to do with my weight it was feeling good inside and not allowing anyone to make me feel any less. yes, I joined Gym and shed 15 kgs of Bodyweight. All of a sudden the proposals who rejected me a year back wanted to consider me. I wondered what happened over a year? nothing has changed my character is the same and values are the same is being slim, in a good shape made them change their minds strangely. This time I said No to them, I wanted someone to accept me just as I am, which made my mom and others upset but later mom understood. Many times I fell but picked up myself, again and again - learned resilience, and stood strong.

At one stage my mirror was not talking to me because it was shattered deep inside with words and looks, people made me undergo medical check-ups for Thyroid, sugar, PCOD, and vitamins. when all the reports came normal I wanted to throw all those reports on their faces and scream loudly that nothing is wrong inside me but remained silent. There was this Mental Negative hurting Victim mindset which has to be healed, so many unanswered questions, that anger on whom to show, Can’t go to my family and relatives because they are ones who were hurting me. Whom can I go for answers I started missing my dad who Never ever compared us with anyone, who never judged. I started fighting with God because after Dad”s death He was My father he guided me in every step. He too was silent or all the words of people were so loud in my head that made a barrier to hear my Heavenly Father’s voice. I sought help from my friend Baba whom I valued and adored after my dad, Papam initially he too didn’t understand what I was going through and what got so much of insecurity in me, where I lost my confidence, and where that happy to go Jesu was lost? But One thing he did was He stood by me in all my emotional Ups and downs, he bore all my tantrums patiently, bore my anger, Though he didn’t answer many of my questions He listened to me made me feel that I am heard. Helped me to let out all my insecurities, and Helped me heal my hurts and All those negative mindset battles I fought with him, He was holding accountability of the prayer life. God used my friend as a blessing in disguise to help me Believe in myself again and showed me how I let circumstances, words of people and small stuff of life effected me from being who I am, the happy Jesu was brought back, through prayers. yes, many times I cried wet my pillows many times, The next day I remake my bed and set my thought on God who created me and dared to dream big again.

I had my Heavenly Father and my friend baba who Helped me from being a victim to victor and helped me again to find my Joy and peace in Christ. There are many sisters, brothers who are out there who might not have a friend like my baba to help or might not have experienced salvation and Love of God in their lives. Today from bottom of my heart I urge you all Please don’t call out people with names, Fatty, Fatso, Laddo, Bajji , or any funny names call …… Don’t see the size of their bodies, see their character, virtues, and their hearts don’t judge them causing psychological, emotional damage, It affects the person how they perceive themselves and their shackled hearts and minds are difficult to fix it might end up taking there lives and not live their best. Be kind with your words. if you don’t know kind words try to be silent that will help at least from people becoming Weak and Vulnerable. Body-shaming is always wrong. Even if it’s the vilest, most hateful person, we still shouldn’t do it to them. The act of body-shaming should be the cause for shame. Because no matter how attractive you are, an ugly heart shows through in the end.

Mirror Is none other than my inner self: Today My mirror says you are happy as who you are, You are Unique, you are created in the image of God carved on His palm you are confident, none of the other people words bother me, Always Happy with same Joy and peace in the heart which was lost over the years.

Be That Same Mirror that shows the true inner self to others, But don’t be the shatters or breakers of the mirrors which you cannot even mend or fix back.

Thank you!

Christ, as a light
illumine and guide me.
Christ, as a shield
overshadow me.
Christ beside me
on my left and my right.
This day be within and without me,
lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Be in the heart of each to whom I speak;
in the mouth of each who speaks unto me.
This day be within and without me,
lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Christ as a light;
Christ as a shield;
Christ beside me
on my left and my right.

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